LIVE Diary of an Everton Nutter: Everton v. West Brom and my bout with pundit Trevor Francis

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LIVE Diary of an Everton Nutter: Everton v. West Brom and my bout with pundit Trevor Francis Posted: 01 Sep 2012 04:15 PM PDT What's up to all my football heads reading SWOL (soccerwithoutlimits.com) and welcome to another edition of "LIVE: Diary of an Everton Nutter" for today's match against West Bromwich Albion. West Brom's Starting XI looks like this: Ben Foster, Steven Reid, Gareth McAuley, Jonas Olsson, Liam Ridgewell, Yacub, Youssouf Mulumbu, Marc Antoine Fortune, Graeme Dorrans and Shane Long. It's the same Baggies side that drew 1-1 at Spurs last weekend, which means that my boy, Peter Odemwingie starts on the bench. (I've always really admired Odemwingie as a player. Would love to have him at Goodison Park someday.) Romelu Lukaku is unavailable today as well – I'm crying my eyes out about that. You know what I'm really fired up about? OUR SQUAD. That's right, David Moyes easily had the best transfer window of any manager, bringing in Steven Pienaar, Steven Naismith, Kevin Mirallas and (yesterday) Costa Rican defender Bryan Oviedo from FC Copenhagen, Matthew Kennedy from Kilmarnock and Vadis Odjidja-Ofoe (I'm thinking "OO7" is a good nickname) from Club Brugge. Here is Moyes' Starting XI: Tim Howard, Phil Neville, Sylvain Distin, Phil Jagielka, Leighton Baines, Darron Gibson, Maroune Fellaini, Pienaar, Leon Osmon, Steven Naismith and Nikica Jelavic. So it looks like Distin is holding down his spot over Heitinga. Osmon will start alongside Gibson in the middle, flanked to the left by Pienaar and the right by Naismith. Up top we've got Marouane "Freak" Fellaini basically doing whatever it is he wants while playing inside Jelavic, who’s easily one of the hungriest men in the league. So no Mirallas to start (I'm a little disappointed there) but this one should be a real banger. The referee is Jon Moss and the match announcers are former England striker Trevor Francis and Joe Speight. 0:00 – I love the tunnel at The Hawthorns before the walkout. Such a boisterous park but I think I can here the Everton faithful crying out in song. The atmosphere is ABSOLUTELY CRACKING. 3:19 – Pienaar with a chance from 20 yards out and gets blocked! Interesting, possession based play down the left side of the Everton midfield. The Baines/Pienaar combination is STRAIGHT LETHAL! The buildup results in an off-target Jelavic header that prompts commentator Trevor Francis to rip into the Croatian for not having done better than. Chiiiiill, Trevor. The Jellyfish always needs a couple touches to warm up. 6:58 – Fellaini looks like he just caught Olsson with a kick to the nuts. Trevor Francis blows a gasket and starts ripping into Fellaini for being dirty but the replay actually shows the Freak pulling out of the tackle. If Fellaini wanted, he definitely could have made it so Olsson could never have kids. But credit to Maroune, he pulled out of the tackle. Francis, however, just doesn't quite seem to understand the 'Fellaini Awkwardness'. 9:27 – Jacub just took Pienaar down from behind AND THAT TACKLE WAS 100X DIRTIER THAN WHAT FELLAINI JUST DID!!!! Seriously, where are the announcers on this one? Jacub just HACKED Pienaar down with two arm swipes and a kick to the back of the leg. SO DIRTY. How that wasn't a yellow card, I have no idea!! If I were Moyes, I'd be FURIOUS at referee Jon Moss right now. Gibson plays the free-kick and Fellaini is called for another foul. Francis cusses out Fellaini again. I've got no idea what Everton did to piss off Trevor Francis but it must be something because he's really digging into us hard. 13:30 – Pienaar is back on the field and the game is at a ripe pace. West Brom look good, the referee is against us and so is Trevor Francis. We've got our work cut out for us. 16:55 – Jelavic goes down in the box and the referee doesn't blow. No penalty there? The replay confirms, definitely not a penalty. The Jellyfish is SUCH an animated character. 18:55 – Not good – Gibson hobbles off with a quad injury and Hibbert comes on in his place with Neville moving into the center of the park. 22:07 – Mulumbu comes thundering in on a counter, chugging through players like a 20 car runaway freight-train. Geeze, he can look so dangerous some matches. I quite like him as a player. (Just a reminder, for the best in Premier League banter and news you can follow me on Twitter @thesecondball) 24:34 – Reid puts his elbow through Baines' jaw and the microphone picks up some geezer in the crowd who yells: "oh c'mon ref – he barely even touched him!" Classic. 28:29 – The Mulumbu Train barrels forward once again, he slips a nice pass to Ridgewell, who serves a tasty cross to Long, WHO SMASHES A HEADER OFF THE CROSSBAR!!! Remind me to check my pants at halftime. 29:55 – FELLAINI!!!!!! Brilliant header to the far post but goes over by an inch! It was a long cross and the Belgian did incredibly well to stick his head on it. Ben Foster was certainly fooled. 35:05 –Hibbert takes down Fortune, who pisses and moans with the best of them. Yellow card for the Hibbopotamus. 38:12 – Naismith's cross to Jelavic at the PK line is saved by Foster. Nikica did well to rise above his man and create a half-chance there. Trevor Francis disagrees with my opinion and calls out Jelavic for needing to do better and playing a "tame header." 43:08 – Fellaini nudges Reid and is called for a foul. AND LIKE PAVLOV'S FREAKIN' DOGS Trevor Francis digs into Fellaini saying: "Fellaini STUPIDLY, AGAIN, fouls Steven Reid." That reminds me – why haven't scientists invented teleportation yet? Because I guarantee you this – if we had teleportation, I'd be on the first beem to The Hawthorns where I'd hunt down Trevor Francis and dump tunafish all over his head. (Trust me, getting tuna'd is awful). 44:04 – TIM HOWARD WITH AN INSANE STOP THERE!!!!! James Morrison's point blank shot is swiped away by Howard's hand! A fantastic save, surely one of the nominees for best save of the week! 45:00 – Halftime 0-0. Pretty even match so far. Pienaar has looked quite dangerous for the Toffees while West Brom is led by Mulumbu and Long, as well as Trevor Francis. I'm trying to figure out why Francis (above) hates Everton so much. He's from Plymouth, England. He played at Brimingham City (where he scored 119 goals in 8 seasons), Notts Forest, Manchester City, Sampdoria, Atalanta, Rangers, Wollongong City, QPR and Sheffield Wednesday. I seriously have no clue why the Toffees chafe his plums so badly. If anyone knows what the deal is, do tell. 45:01 – Moss sends Fellaini off the pitch for having the wrong color tape on his socks. Moss then blows the whistle and forces Everton to play down a man. Bastard. 50:12 – With Fellaini back on the pitch, Mulumbu fires wide after another threatening West Brom attack. We need to step things up here! Games like this are made for one man, Victor Anichebee. 53:20 – Baines makes a nice run and lets rip from 17 yards out and Foster parries wide. The corner results in a Fellaini chest-trap and shot that rolls wide but would've been sensational had it gone in. 55:00 – Well, we're 10 minutes into the second half and Trevor Francis has yet to kick Everton in the nuts. You feeling OK, Trevor? COME ON YOU BLUES!!!!! 58:23 –Baines and Pienaar are SUCH A LETHAL COMBINATION DOWN THAT LEFT FLANK. And when Fellaini gets over to that side of the pitch, they are STARIGHT ILL. (Cue a Michael Cox "Zonal Marking" article on the % of offensive action down Everton's left side). 61:08 – Mirallas comes on for Naismith. Can the new boy get on the score sheet? 62:16 –Distin with a phenomenal diving stop on Billy Jones' tricky cross. Excellent work by the big man. 63:08 – NO!!!!! FELLAINI SKIES IT OVER FROM 12 YARDS OUT!!!! He was WIDE OPEN and flubbed his left-footed effort. Man, THAT WAS UGLY! And yet, Trevor Francis isn't saying a word. Did someone have a talking to with Francis at half-time? 64:35 – Goal, West Brom. Shane Long punches in a low, swerving cross from Odemwingie. The Hawthorns explodes into song. I dive into depression. 70:31 – A little dose of 'Fellaini Awkwardness' takes down Shane Long from behind and the Belgian is shown a card. John Moss shows the yellow and cites "Cumulative Amount of Awkward Fouls" as the reason for the card. Fair enough. 72:25 – My earlier wish is granted and Anichebee enters the match. COME ON BOYS! WE NEED TO AT LEAST NICK A POINT FROM THIS MATCH! 74:34 – Shane Long looked like he was through on a breakaway but Distin motors back and slide tackles the ball out of play. Incredible from Distin!!! 76:10 – Foster snatches Baines' botched cross and then holds the ball for at least 15 seconds (from 75:55 til 76:10). Does the 6 second rule even exist anymore!?!?!?! Why is that even an infraction if referees never call it?!?!?! 80:59 – Mulumbu winds up from 20 yards out and spanks a shot that Howard BRILLIANTLY PARRIES OVER THE BAR. Another save-of-the-week candidate from the American. 81:37 – Goal, West Brom. McCauley motors in to thump home Brunt's swerving corner. Another good goal by West Brom. At this point, I'm comfortable saying that Albion has been the better team today. The Hawthorns is feeling like a real fortress. But let's see if we can get one back and maybe get lucky, here. 84:37 – The announcer at The Hawthorns announces that Jonas Olsson is the man of the match. The big Swede has done well today. 86:06 – Fellaini wins a free kick from 30 yards out on the left side of the pitch. Jagielka hits a shot across the box that squirms all the way to Fellaini who's right foot couldn't react quick enough. WE SHOULD HAVE SCORED THERE!!! Trevor Francis – will you PLEASE RIP FELLAINI A NEW ONE FOR THAT MISS!!! You've said nothing negative about us the whole second half! Seriously, who gave you the Zanex at half-time? 90:00 – 5 minutes of extra time. 92:21 – Anichebee's cross sails wide. Well, looks like we're toast here. Before the end of the match I'd like to reach out and make peace with Trevor Francis, who somehow managed to avoid defiling Everton during the entire second half. Much appreciated, my good man. 95:00 – There's the final whistle. West Brom win 2-0. For West Brom, congrats on a strong win and credit to Steve Clark, who remains undefeated in his first head manager position. Not a ton to talk about here for Everton. We were outplayed by a lively West Brom squad that looked really confident throughout the 90 minutes. On a different day, we could've won that match but such is football. Regardless, we had some wonderful play and look like a club that will cause problems for every team we face. (Like what you’ve read here? I’ll be writing about Everton weekly on SWOL and you can also check me out Twitter @thesecondball for the best in Premier League banter, match betting previews and Fantasy Premier League tips. Also feel free to follow me on where I keep it real and vow to answer any of your Premier League questions.)

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